Living in the moment. (and being sad)

I have been trying to figure out the reason behind my emptiness lately.
There is a void within that shows no signs of holding on. Is it because something is wrong with me or is it because something is wrong with everyone?
Let me ask you
Besides your extravaganza lifestyle or your slammed work schedule or your smitten love or the cakewalk fame.
Are you truly living?
Are you happy?
All i am trying to say is does the busy day put you to bed or the burning desire to wake up make you go to bed and when you wake up does the desire to live make you smile or the bed seems more comfortable than getting up.
Are we all not living inside this bubble created by ourselves of expectations of lies of hopes of all the to-do lists to be done so that you finally feel free when you are done with it. Do you? I guess all the things i have ever wanted i have never been truly happy after getting those or not as much as I thought I would be. Did i want them at all? Or did the projections of my sub consciousness made it look like i wanted it. Looking back at all these 21 years of my life no doubt i have been blessed with the most amazing family the best of friends and have created many everlasting memories along with but with every one of those precious moments are some horrible horrible things have also happened and i guess now my life revolves around those two phases. One which constitutes of this beautiful past and the other which includes the raw disasters and by disasters i don’t mean the environment played a role but metamorphically it had the same impact. And because of these beautiful and horrible things combined i am who i am today. You are who you are today. Then why do we keep mixing them up,why unbolt every screw untill it falls off? I do this, whenever i am truly happy or blissful i think of all these bad things that happened or might happen or might not even happen
(most of the times my mind just makes it up for me) and do not allow myself to be happy and whenever i am really sad i tell myself to look at the brighter side of life and tell myself not to cry or stress over it too much and most of the times binge eat( lots and lots of unhealthy foods) and likewise do not allow myself to be completely sad.
You see the first situation makes sense but the second one here is dicey.
Why would i want to be sad? Why should i be sad? But don’t you think its necessary. No i won’t tell you that being sad is necessary because then you would allow you to appreciate happiness when it arrives,you already know this. All i am saying is doesn’t life become too monotonous or boring with being always smiling. You always are this cheerful little kid that is 24/7 enthusiastic about everything. Does it never get boring? Don’t you need a break. See that’s why you have to be broken for a while. Feel things for a while. I feel a little too much when i am sad so that makes me feel i am alive it makes me want to want things more passionately. Being broke helps me to be stronger together. Crying helps me to smile wider.
So the next time i am happy or sad like always i am going to ask myself what the hell am i supposed to do? And then tell myself ” you are supposed to be just exactly where you are, be exactly who you are and feel exactly what you want to feel. ” Nothing more, Nothing less.